Rice Purity Test vs. 36 Questions to Fall in Love: Which Works Better for Bonding?

You know that moment when you’re sitting with someone, a new friend, a crush, or even a long-time partner, and you suddenly realize you want to go deeper than “What’s your favorite movie?” You want to actually connect. Like, soul-level connect.

That’s exactly where tools like the Rice Purity Test and the famous 36 Questions to Fall in Love come in.

Both have gone viral. Both promise some version of closeness. But are they actually the same thing? Spoiler: not even close. One was born as a college icebreaker, the other was designed by a psychologist to literally make strangers fall in love.

So which one is better for bonding? Let’s break it all down honestly, simply, and without the fluff.

What Is the Rice Purity Test?

The Rice Purity Test is a self-graded survey that originally started at Rice University in the 1920s. It has 100 questions covering experiences across life, from holding hands to way more intense stuff. You get a score out of 100. The higher your score, the more “pure” you supposedly are.

In recent years, it’s blown up on TikTok and social media. Teens and college students share their scores like badges of honor (or dishonor, depending on who you ask).

What Kind of Questions Does It Ask?

The test covers a wide range of topics:

• Romantic and physical experiences
• Alcohol and substance use
• Legal troubles
• Travel and independence
• Academic honesty (yes, cheating on tests counts)

It’s not exactly designed to make you feel warm and fuzzy. Some questions are lighthearted. Others are pretty personal. The whole thing takes about 10 minutes to complete.

Why Do People Use It for Bonding?

Here’s the thing: people started using the Rice Purity Test as a group activity. Friends sit together, go through the questions out loud, and react to each other’s answers. That’s actually where the bonding happens. Not from the score itself, but from the conversations it sparks.

Imagine someone answers “yes” to sneaking out at night and then tells the whole story of how they almost got caught. That story? That’s a real human connection happening right there.

What Are the 36 Questions to Fall in Love?

In 1997, psychologist Dr. Arthur Aron published a study called “The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness.” He and his team discovered something kind of wild: you can make two strangers feel genuinely close, emotionally close, in just 45 minutes by having them ask each other 36 specific questions.

The questions are split into three sets, and they gradually get more personal and vulnerable as you go.

The Three Levels of Questions

Level 1 — Getting comfortable:

• “Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?”
• “Would you like to be famous? In what way?”
• “Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why?”

Level 2 — Going deeper:

• “What is your most treasured memory?”
• “What does friendship mean to you?”
• “If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?”

Level 3 — Full vulnerability:

• “Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?”
• “Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how they might handle it.”
• “Make three true ‘we’ statements each.”

After the 36 questions, you stare into each other’s eyes for four minutes. Sounds awkward? It is. But it also works in a surprisingly powerful way.

Did It Actually Work?

Yes. Dr. Aron’s research showed that participants felt significantly closer after the exercise. And in a fun twist, two of his study participants actually ended up getting married.

The New York Times ran a popular article about it in 2015, which made the 36 Questions go viral all over again. Couples tried it. Friends tried it. People tried it on first dates. The results? Pretty consistently, people felt more connected afterward.

Rice Purity Test vs. 36 Questions: The Real Comparison

Now let’s get into the meat of it. How do these two actually stack up when you’re trying to bond with someone?

Purpose and Design

The Rice Purity Test was never designed for bonding. It was originally a way for college students to reflect on their own experiences, almost like a checklist. The bonding that happens around it is accidental. It’s a side effect, not the goal.

The 36 Questions, on the other hand, were scientifically built for closeness. Every single question was chosen because it nudges people toward mutual vulnerability. The structure is intentional. The escalation is intentional. Even the eye contact at the end is intentional.

Winner for intentional bonding: 36 Questions by a mile.

Comfort Level and Audience

The Rice Purity Test is casual and playful. You can do it with a group of new friends at a party, and it won’t feel heavy. It’s low-stakes and even a little silly, which makes it great for lighter social settings.

The 36 Questions require two people, a quiet space, and a willingness to actually be vulnerable. You can’t rush through them at a party. They work best one-on-one, when both people are genuinely present and open.

Winner for casual social bonding: Rice Purity Test. Winner for deep, meaningful connection: 36 Questions.

Emotional Depth

With the Rice Purity Test, you’re mostly sharing facts about yourself. “Have you done this? Have you done that?” It’s surface-level in the sense that it doesn’t ask why you did things or how they made you feel.

The 36 Questions go straight to the emotional layer. They ask about your fears, your dreams, your memories, your regrets. That’s where real intimacy is built.

Think about it this way: knowing that your friend has stayed out past curfew is interesting. But knowing what your friend is most afraid of in life? That’s the stuff that makes you feel truly close to someone.

Winner for emotional depth: 36 Questions, hands down.

Fun Factor

Let’s be honest, the Rice Purity Test is more entertaining. People laugh. People gasp. People share wild stories. It’s a good time.

The 36 Questions can get a little intense. Not in a bad way, but you might end up crying, which isn’t everyone’s idea of a Friday night (though hey, no judgment).

Winner for pure fun: Rice Purity Test.

Practical Tips: How to Use Each One for Better Bonding

Using the Rice Purity Test for Connection

• Don’t just read the questions silently. Do it out loud with someone. The reactions and stories that come out are where the real bonding happens.
• Use it as a springboard. When an answer surprises you, ask a follow-up question. “Wait, you actually did that? Tell me everything.”
• Keep it light. Don’t use it to judge anyone. The moment it becomes judgmental, it stops being fun.
• Try it with old friends too. You might be surprised by what you didn’t know about someone you’ve known for years.

Using the 36 Questions for Real Closeness

• Pick the right time and place. A quiet café, a walk in the park, or a cozy living room works great. Avoid noisy, distracting environments.
• Go through all three levels in order. The escalation is the whole point. Jumping straight to Level 3 questions feels jarring and uncomfortable.
• Don’t skip questions. Even the ones that feel weird. The awkwardness often leads to the most memorable conversations.
• Make eye contact at the end. Yes, it’s uncomfortable. Yes, it works.
• Put your phone away. Seriously. Being fully present is what makes the exercise powerful.

Which One Should You Actually Use?

Here’s the honest answer: it depends on what you’re looking for.

If you’re trying to break the ice with a new group or make a casual hangout more interesting, go with the Rice Purity Test. It’s low-pressure, entertaining, and surprisingly revealing in a lighthearted way.

If you want to truly know someone, a new romantic interest, a friend you want to get closer to, or even a partner you feel disconnected from, use the 36 Questions. It’s a little scary. It’s a lot more powerful.

And honestly? You could do both. Start with the Rice Purity Test to get comfortable and laughing, then move into the 36 Questions when the vibe feels right. That’s a pretty great evening right there.

Real-Life Examples of These in Action

Example 1: The College Roommates Maya and her new college roommate, Sarah, were basically strangers in September. One night with nothing to do, they pulled up the Rice Purity Test on a laptop and started going through it together. An hour later, they were sharing stories about high school, family drama, and their most embarrassing moments. By the end of the night, they were genuinely friends. The test didn’t make them friends; their honesty did. The test just gave them the excuse to start.

Example 2: The Reconnecting Couple James and his girlfriend had been together for three years, but lately felt like they were just going through the motions. A therapist suggested the 36 Questions as a homework assignment. They tried it one Sunday afternoon. By Question 22, James’s girlfriend was telling him about a childhood fear she had never shared with anyone. By the end, they both felt like they had rediscovered each other. It didn’t fix everything, but it opened a door.

Frequently Asked Questions

Conclusion

At the end of the day, whether you’re going through 100 quirky questions or sitting quietly with someone answering “What does love mean to you?” the goal is the same. You want to feel seen. You want to see someone else. You want that little spark of oh, I really know this person now.

The Rice Purity Test is fun, casual, and surprisingly effective at starting conversations. The 36 Questions are deeper, more intentional, and scientifically designed to create real closeness.

Neither one is “better” in every situation. The best tool is the one you’ll actually use and the one that feels right for the moment you’re in.

So next time you want to really connect with someone, put the phones down, pick one of these, and just… talk. You might be surprised how much you didn’t know about the people already in your life.

And honestly? That’s kind of beautiful.